This time last year I went through a stage where I wished I didn't have diabetes. I wished I didn't have to test my levels or give insulin before I ate, have a pump attached to me 24/7, have hospital appointments, worry about my levels and hba1c count. I just wanted to be like I used to be before I got diagnosed with diabetes. I just wanted to be normal!
I ended up being admitted onto a ward at the hospital because I stopped testing my levels and I was just putting a random number as my levels into my pump and then being the amount of carbs I was eating. However this made my levels really high because I wasn't correcting my levels when they were high because I was guessing what my levels were. When I was admitted in to hospital the nurses were checking that I was checking my levels and doing everything that I was supposed to be doing. They were checking my levels every 2 hours so that they could monitor them.
While I was in hospital I was on a ward which mostly had children who had cancer on. I was in a room with this little girl in the bed next to me who had cancer, the girl had been in hospital for 5 months. She was so ill and was crying all the time because she was in pain, it must have been so hard for her parents having to be with their daughter and see her in so much pain and there was nothing they could do to help her. It was sad knowing that she had been in hospital so long and that she was so ill, all she wanted to do was be at home and not be ill or in pain.
I have never had the courage to tell anyone this before or been able to admit this to anyone before so it is quiet a big thing for me to write this on my blog and it has taken a long time to write.
The reason I got back on track with my diabetes and am where I am today is because being in hospital and seeing some really ill children my age and younger with cancer made me realise that having diabetes isn't actually that bad, it could be a lot worse. If I looked after myself I would never had ended up in hospital whereas all of these children were in hospital and it wasn't there fault, they didn't really have a choose about being in hospital but I did. It made me want to look after myself, get a better hba1c, try and get better levels because I could make these changes and then not end up in hospital. It still really upsets me thinking of that little girl and all of the other children who I saw on the ward with cancer, it was bit of a reality check for me and made me realise that if I look after myself diabetes wont control me and I can still have a normal life whereas there are some people that cant because they are really ill and have to stay in hospital loads.
I know I shouldn't have stopped checking my levels in the first place but at the time it felt like the right thing to do because I just wanted to be normal but I am so glad I have now realised that having diabetes isn't that bad if you look after yourself. Always remember you are stronger than you think!
I ended up being admitted onto a ward at the hospital because I stopped testing my levels and I was just putting a random number as my levels into my pump and then being the amount of carbs I was eating. However this made my levels really high because I wasn't correcting my levels when they were high because I was guessing what my levels were. When I was admitted in to hospital the nurses were checking that I was checking my levels and doing everything that I was supposed to be doing. They were checking my levels every 2 hours so that they could monitor them.
While I was in hospital I was on a ward which mostly had children who had cancer on. I was in a room with this little girl in the bed next to me who had cancer, the girl had been in hospital for 5 months. She was so ill and was crying all the time because she was in pain, it must have been so hard for her parents having to be with their daughter and see her in so much pain and there was nothing they could do to help her. It was sad knowing that she had been in hospital so long and that she was so ill, all she wanted to do was be at home and not be ill or in pain.
I have never had the courage to tell anyone this before or been able to admit this to anyone before so it is quiet a big thing for me to write this on my blog and it has taken a long time to write.
The reason I got back on track with my diabetes and am where I am today is because being in hospital and seeing some really ill children my age and younger with cancer made me realise that having diabetes isn't actually that bad, it could be a lot worse. If I looked after myself I would never had ended up in hospital whereas all of these children were in hospital and it wasn't there fault, they didn't really have a choose about being in hospital but I did. It made me want to look after myself, get a better hba1c, try and get better levels because I could make these changes and then not end up in hospital. It still really upsets me thinking of that little girl and all of the other children who I saw on the ward with cancer, it was bit of a reality check for me and made me realise that if I look after myself diabetes wont control me and I can still have a normal life whereas there are some people that cant because they are really ill and have to stay in hospital loads.
I know I shouldn't have stopped checking my levels in the first place but at the time it felt like the right thing to do because I just wanted to be normal but I am so glad I have now realised that having diabetes isn't that bad if you look after yourself. Always remember you are stronger than you think!
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