Reality Check

This time last year I went through a stage where I wished I didn't have diabetes. I wished I didn't have to test my levels or give insulin before I ate, have a pump attached to me 24/7, have hospital appointments, worry about my levels and hba1c count. I just wanted to be like I used to be before I got diagnosed with diabetes. I just wanted to be normal! 

I ended up being admitted onto a ward at the hospital because I stopped testing my levels and I was just putting a random number as my levels into my pump and then being the amount of carbs I was eating. However this made my levels really high because I wasn't correcting my levels when they were high because I was guessing what my levels were. When I was admitted in to hospital the nurses were checking that I was checking my levels and doing everything that I was supposed to be doing. They were checking my levels every 2 hours so that they could monitor them.

While I was in hospital I was on a ward which mostly had children who had cancer on. I was in a room with this little girl in the bed next to me who had cancer, the girl had been in hospital for 5 months. She was so ill and was crying all the time because she was in pain, it must have been so hard for her parents having to be with their daughter and see her in so much pain and there was nothing they could do to help her. It was sad knowing that she had been in hospital so long and that she was so ill, all she wanted to do was be at home and not be ill or in pain.

I have never had the courage to tell anyone this before or been able to admit this to anyone before so it is quiet a big thing for me to write this on my blog and it has taken a long time to write.
The reason I got back on track with my diabetes and am where I am today is because being in hospital and seeing some really ill children my age and younger with cancer made me realise that having diabetes isn't actually that bad, it could be a lot worse. If I looked after myself I would never had ended up in hospital whereas all of these children were in hospital and it wasn't there fault, they didn't really have a choose about being in hospital but I did. It made me want to look after myself, get a better hba1c, try and get better levels because I could make these changes and then not end up in hospital. It still really upsets me thinking of that little girl and all of the other children who I saw on the ward with cancer, it was bit of a reality check for me and made me realise that if I look after myself diabetes wont control me and I can still have a normal life whereas there are some people that cant because they are really ill and have to stay in hospital loads.

I know I shouldn't have stopped checking my levels in the first place but at the time it felt like the right thing to do because I just wanted to be normal but I am so glad I have now realised that having diabetes isn't that bad if you look after yourself. Always remember you are stronger than you think!

Family and friends

It can be really hard having diabetes. You can have days when your levels are running really high , day when your levels are low all the time, days when you levels are in range, days when your levels are all over the place. It can sometimes feel like you are on a never ending roller coaster. It can also feel like no one else knows what it is like going through what you have to everyday even though you have your family and friends helping you every step of the way. No matter how much your friends and family are there for you it can still feel like you are alone, its nothing they are or aren't doing its just sometimes you need to have someone else to talk to who has diabetes to because they know exactly what it is like and what you go through everyday.

This time last year I was really struggling with diabetes, I felt like no one else understood what it was like for me everyday having to prick my finger 5 or more times a day, having put the carbs of my food in my pump before I ate, having to change my line to my pump every three day, feeling ill because my levels were too high or to low, having to go to the hospital every 3 months, having to have a pump attached to me 24/7....Even though I had friends, family and the hospital helping me control my diabetes I still felt alone because they aren't diabetic so its hard for them to understand how I felt and what I had to go through everyday.

Last year I found out about some diabetic groups on Facebook that are for teenagers who are diabetic. The groups are a place for people to ask for advice, help and to be able to talk to people who are going through what you are. It made me realise that I wasn't alone, there are so many other teenagers going through that I have been through or am going through. I have made so many amazing friends on the groups from all over the world. It hard to explain how nice it is to be able to talk to someone about diabetes related stuff and then they know exactly how you feel. The great thing is everyone on the group is so lovely and always happy to give you advice or just chat to. I feel so much happier now that I have people to chat to who know how I feel.

I have always wanted to meet someone with diabetes that lives near to me so that I could go shopping, go out for lunch, go to the cinema with them and stuff like that. I know I have people on the Facebook groups but I have never meet up with them before. Hopeful in the future I will be able to meet some other people who have diabetes as I have always wanted too.

It can be really hard for peoples family and friends when they are trying everything to help you and make you not feel alone but sometimes they cant change the way you feel. Its is nothing they aren't doing or they are doing wrong, its just it is so hard for them to be able to know exactly how you feel when they haven't experienced what you are going through.

You are never alone I promise, there is always people out there that you can talk to who are going through the same stuff that you are and know how you feel. If you ever want to talk to me about anything, diabetes related or not, you can always message me or leave a comment below this post. Always remember you are stronger then you think and you are never alone.

High levels and Ketones

We all have those bad days were your levels are running really high or really low, the days were you forget to give yourself insulin at one of your meals, the night where your cannula to your pump falls out in the night and you don't realise, the time were you cant find you meter to test your bloods, the day where you over treat your low bloods by accident, don't worry we all do these things sometimes. Its can be so annoying because if you forget to do one of these things or something happens that's not your fault for example your cannula falling out and you don't realise because it can make you feel really ill and sick.

On Thursday my cannula fell out in the night and I didn't realise, this meant I hadn't been getting any insulin throughout the night. I woke up at 6am feeling really thirsty and sick, so I went down stairs and got a drink and when I got back in bed I realised that my cannula wasn't in my leg anymore. I tested my levels straight away and they were 25.0 so I tested my ketones and they were 2.8. The next thing I did was put a new cannula in me, put a temp basal of 150% on and put a correction in my pump too. I felt so ill so I just laid back in bed and I fell asleep, I kept waking up and checking my level and when the next thing I knew I was asleep again.

By lunch time my levels were 5.1 and my ketones were 0.0, I was feeling a bit better too. I took my temp basal off so that my levels didn't go low. I thought I had gotten rid off all of my ketones for that day but that wasn't the case :(  At dinner when I did my levels they were running a bit high so I check my levels and I had some ketones but not a lot. I but on another temp basal of 150% on so that I could get my levels back to normal. When I tested my levels and ketones an hour later they had gone up instead of down. So I changed my cannula again (for the second time that day which was really annoying) and I gave myself another correction and laid down because I felt really ill again. I tested my levels an hour later and my levels were HI (33,3+) and my ketones were 2.2.

My mum said to me if levels and ketones didn't start to come down in the next hour then i would have to go to a&e because I probably had DKA. I was sitting in the living room on the sofa so scared I really didn't want to end up in hospital. The last time I got admitted into hospital with DKA they had to put two drips in my arm and hand and I nearly fainted and they had to give me gas and air because I have a bit of a needle phobia. I really didn't want to end up in hospital  for like 3 days and have to have two drips in my arm. I really cant explain to you the feelings that were going through me head I was so scared, it was like the longest hour ever to have to wait. Luckily when I tested my levels and ketones an hour later they had lowered, I was so happy I told my mum and she said she didn't have to take me to the hospital anymore (:

I know at times it can be really scary to have diabetes but I have learnt that you shouldn't jump to conclusions. I got all worked up and upset over something that never ever happened, we need to try and stay calm in situations like this. I know it can be really hard but always remember you are stronger then you think (:

Surprised

Do you ever feel like every time you have a hospital appointment the doctors always find something to moan about? I feel like this nearly every time I have a hospital appointment. No matter how hard I try the doctors always seem to find something to moan about. This makes me not want to go to the appointments because they always seem negative so I don't see the point. It can make you feel unhappy and annoyed when you have been doing everything right but the doctors still aren't happy with your levels or your hba1c.

Today I had a hospital appointment in the morning. I really didn't want to go to the hospital because I didn't want the doctors to tell me that my levels weren't good or that my hba1c was too high. I didn't really want to find out what my hba1c was because at the beginning of the year my hba1c was 12+ and 3 months I had got it down to 8.7, I really wanted my hba1c to be below 8 today.

I was so happy and surprised when I came home from my hospital appointment. The doctors and nurses never moaned at me one they were so impressed and happy with my diabetes and how much I have changed, they were proud of me (: The doctor couldn't believe how much I have improved since the beginning of this year. My hba1c is 8.1 which I am really happy with because it is nearly below 8. I couldn't believe all the things that the doctor and nurse had said, it was all good things, they said my levels have improved a lot and my hba1c was really good. All I need to do is bolus for my breakfast 5 mins before I eat and this will help my levels be lower at 10am and she said to keep doing what I have been doing and my levels will get better and my hba1c will go down even more. I was so happy with my appointment today because the doctor never moaned at me and it should that all my hard work had paid off (:

I know it can always feel like every time you go to a hospital appointment all they do is moan at you and tell you to do more things but just think how happy you will be when all of your hard work pays off. It will make you so happy when you get your levels and hba1c down; it’s an amazing feeling knowing that you are the reason why your levels are so good. I know you will be able to get your levels down and get a good hba1c because you are a lot stronger than you think, always remember that.