One thing...

Most people think that they know lots of things about me and how I cope with diabetes however there is one thing that I haven't really told anyone about because I am a bit embarrassed and I thought that other people wouldn't understand. The easy bit for me is writing down how I felt and what happened but the hard part is pressing the published button because as soon as I press it everyone can read my post. I thought I would tell you on this blog what it is that hardly anyone else knows about as it might be able to help some other people in the same situation and show that they aren't alone and that other people out there are going through the same thing as they are. It is going to take a lot for me to tell people but I think its the best thing to do.

As you already know I have had diabetes since the age of 4 and I am 15 now which means I have had diabetes for over 11 years. When I was 4 years old I started on injections and my mum used to inject me because I was so young. However injections didn't work very well for me and made me quite ill which meant I had a lot of time off school. The hospital tried me on all different types of insulin but none of them worked so when I was 9 I got a pump and I have been on the pump ever since. The pump has helped me so much, my levels are better and its made me feel a lot better too but I still have the odd days were my levels aren't right and make me ill. The pump has been a lot better for me then injections and I have no idea what I would do without it now. Everyone is different though so just because the pump works better for me it doesn't mean it will work better for everyone.

Anyway as you probably already I have a really bad needle phobia, I know it sounds really stupid but its true. Even though I stick needles in my everyday I still have a massive fear of them. So when I first started on injections at the age of 4 my mum injected me because I was so young. I know people normally injected there self from like the age of 5 or something like that but the truth is I never injected my self the whole time I was on injections. I know this probably sounds really weird and stupid that from the age of 4 to 9 I never injected myself but its true. My mum used to come into school for me just before lunch so that she could injected me and then I could go have lunch. You are probably all wondering why I didn't inject myself, the main reason is because of my phobia of needles. Even now the thought of having to push a needle through your skin and then holding it there while you push the insulin in you, then pulling it out makes me feel really sick. I really don't know why it makes me feel like that but its the truth. 

So when I was 9 years old the hospital gave me a pump as injections weren't working for me. When I first started on the pump my mum would change my line every 3 days for me as I was scared to change it myself. I had my line in my bottom to start off with as that was the place where the hospital told me to have it. My site got all lumpy after a while which meant the insulin wasn't going in to me properly so I had to change my pump site. To start off I was really scared to change pump sites as I had used the same site for so long and I couldn't imagine it being anywhere else. Also I was scared because of my needle phobia too and if I changed sites it would mean I would be able to change it myself which I didn't want as I was scared. It got to the point where my levels were really high and I had ketones because my pump site was lumpy so I had to change it or I would have ended up in hospital. So for the first time I had to let my mum put my line to my pump in my leg and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be (I still have my line in my leg now)

When I was 14 years old I started being the Duke of Edinburgh award. However when it came to the real expedition there was a problem. I couldn't change my line to my pump myself, so the hospital wouldn't let me go. As I really wanted to got I thought I would try to change my line myself for the first time ever. So I set a new line up and tied to put it in my. When I went to put the cannula in me I couldn't  do it as I  was so scared! I tried again and put the cannula on my leg making sure it was alright and then I closed my eyes and pushed the buttons to insert the cannula into my leg. When I opened my eyes I couldn't believe it, I had done changed my line myself for the first time ever.

After changing my line for the first time I decided that it wasn't actually as bad as I thought it would have been. I started to change my line myself everyday for the first time and now I change it myself all the time. At first it was a bit scary dong it and even now I have days were it takes my ages to change it because I am scared and trying putting off changing it. I am so proud of myself that I can change it myself as 5 years ago if anyone had asked me if I thought I would ever be able to change my line by myself I would have said no. I have now realise that I can do thing if I put my mind to it.

I hope that this post has made people realise that if they are scared to inject or change their line to their pump they aren't alone as I am sure loads of other people have been in the same situation. Also I hope that other people understand and don't think its weird that I have never injected myself. I promise there is nothing wrong with being sacred to change your line or inject as I am sure other people were scared the first time they did it. Everyone is different and should do it in there own time so don't worry how long it takes you to inject or change your line because you will be able to do it in the end and you will be so proud of yourself when you do it.
Always remember you are stronger than you think!

Late Nights

Some nights it can be really hard to get to sleep because of your diabetes. Its so annoying laying  in bed for hours just looking up at the ceiling thinking why cant my levels just be in range so that I can get to sleep.  Its really annoying and frustrating, I know.

I don't know if its the same with you but when my levels are 15+ I find it really hard and impossible to sleep. I used to be able to get to sleep when my levels were high but for some reason I really struggle to now. Some night I just lay in bed for hours trying to get to sleep but no matter how hard I try or what I do I cant get to sleep due to my levels. I try reading a book (I always end up falling asleep when I read at night in bed), closing my eyes, just laying there, clearing my mind....and so many other things but nothing seems to work. I just end up just laying there thinking about so many different things. The only good thing is I do think of the weirdest of things while laying there and I normally end up remember things I had forgotten about and coming up with ideas. However the next day after I have had a night with high levels I am so tired and not in the best of moods. Its so annoying when you have school the next day because it takes so much energy to concentrate, I could so easily fall asleep in lesson lol (I don't think the teacher would be very impressed with me)

So what is the best way to deal with nights like this?
- You should check your levels every 1-2 hours to check that your levels are coming down or going up
- Try clearing your mind to help you sleep
- Try and stay relaxed and calm
- Don't worry if you cant get to sleep as you will fall asleep eventually
- Make sure you keep giving correction if your levels are high
- If your levels are running high check for ketones (if you have any ketones drink lots of water)

I know it can be really annoying when you cant sleep and everyone else in your house is asleep. The thing is there isn't really anything that we can do to stop with from happening, its just part of diabetes (annoying I know). The best thing to do is try to get your levels back in range so that you can sleep. Sometimes it can feel like you will never be able to get them back in range but I know that you can. You are stronger than you think!

Exams

Exams are stressful for everyone but with diabetes on the top of exams it can make it a lot harder and more stressful for us. Stress can make your levels really hard which makes it I lot harder to concentrate in an exams and this could effect you mark and overall grade that you get in the exam. The hospital have told me several times that if I have high levels in an exam my grade will be lower then if I had good levels, however its really hard to make sure your levels are in range while you have an exam. You don't want your levels to be too high or too low but its really hard to get them just right when you are so stressed about the exam.

The last 2 weeks I have had loads exams, the exams are for the teachers to check that you are on target and ready to move in to year 11. I found it really had to keep my levels under control these 2 weeks as on some days when I had exams my levels were running really high but then on other days when I had exams my levels were running nearly low. This has made it harder because I had to try and work out whether I needed a temp basal on when I had an exam.

On Friday last week I had 2 exams in one day, my first exam was a maths exam and my second exam was a ethics exam. On Friday morning before school my levels were running a bit high so I decided to put a temp basal on of 150% and kept checking my levels every hour so that I could give myself correction to try and get my levels down and back to normally. However every time I checked my levels they had either stayed the same or gone even higher. When I got to school I had my maths exam and throughout the who exams I was really struggling to concentrate and work out the answers, even though I had done loads of revision at home before the test I was really struggling to remember how to work out some of the answers because of my levels. When the exam had finished I knew I had done really rubbish because of my levels being high so I was worried about what grade I was going to get.

After break I had my ethics test, throughout the whole of break I was panicking because I couldn't remember any of the information I had revised for ethics so I stood their at break looking over my revision notes before the bell went. Even though I had already revised loads and I was reading over my notes, none of it was going into my head as I felt so ill and couldn't concentrate because of my levels. When I heard the bell go I was panicking so much as it meant the ethics exam was minutes away and I couldn't remember anything, I was going to fail! As I walked into the exam hall I saw that my ethics teacher was standing at the front of the hall so I walked over to her and told her that my levels were running really high and I was really struggling to concentrate and remember the stuff I had revised. I told her that I would try my best at the exam but I probably wouldn't do very well. My teacher said that I didn't look very well and that she didn't want me to do the test as it would be a lot better if I went back to lesson and did the exam another time then having to sit there feeling rubbish and then having to retake the exam because of my grade. So I went to go to the lesson I was meant to be in and then realised that I was meant to be in my ethics lesson with the teacher, so I had to go back and ask her what she wanted me to do as I wasn't meant to be in her lesson. She told me that I could sit and do some move ethics revision and relax in her classroom while she marked some peoples exams. I am so glad I didn't end up doing the ethics exam as I would have done really rubbish and I am so glad I have a really nice teacher who is really understanding and caring.

However my levels aren't always really high when it comes to exams. This Wednesday I had no exams but my levels were running really high so I put a temp basal on of 150% and was checking my levels every hour so that I could make sure they weren't going any high and so that I could keep giving myself corrections to bring my levels down. My levels wouldn't go down even though I was having 50% more insulin then I normally do and I had had loads of corrections. Then on Thursday I woke up with low levels, so I took the temp basal off. I had a English exam and a French exam, so I made sure I checked my levels before the exam encase they were high or low. Before my English exams my levels were 5.6 which was a surprise as I thought they were going to be a lot higher as I was really stressed about the exam. When I can out of the exam I made sure I checked my levels again just encase I needed to give myself a correction or I needed to eat something, when I tested they were 4.0 so I had something to eat. My levels were running in the 5s when I did my French exam which was good.

As you can see exams can make your really high or nearly low so make sure you check your levels before and after an exam and let someone know if your levels are going to affect the grade you will get. Also make sure the people running the exam know that you are diabetic as you might have to go out of the exam if you start to feel like your levels are high or low and need to test. In all of my exams the school has sat me near the door of the exam hall so that I can put my hand up and go out of the exam at anytime to test my levels without distracting other people who are doing the test. Always remember that your health is a lot more important then the exam, so make if you feel like you need to test your levels you tell someone and then go out of the exam hall and test.
Good luck to everyone who has exams coming up!  

#SingForNicole

This isn't like the posts I normally write but I think that this is a really important to make sure other people know about what SingForNicole is and how they can make it happen for Nicole and her family.

Nicole Wilson was a 15 year old girl who had type one diabetes. She was like any other average teenager who loved One Direction. In August Nicole was so excited when she got given tickets to go to see One Direction in concert for her birthday, she couldn't wait and talked about it everyday. It was going to be first time she had ever seen One Direction in concert. Unfortunately, Nicole passed away in her sleep on 2nd May due to complications with her diabetes, just four months before she would have finally seen the band for the first time in concert.

Nicole's sister put out a tweet on Monday night asking One Direction to dedicate their song "The story of my life" to Nicole at the concert Nicole was meant to be going to ( North Texas) Since then
Nicole's sister put out a tweet Monday night, asking One Direction to dedicate a song to her sister at the tweet has gone viral. So many people have tweeted One Direction with the hashtag #SingForNicole.
Yesterday on 9th May, Liam a member of One Direction wrote on Twitter
 "Sorry to hear about the passing of one of our fans, Nicole. Thoughts are with her family at this time. #SingForNicole"
Liam’s tweet is not a confirmation that they will honor Nicole at the show, but it is a step in the right direction

Please go on twitter and tweet One Direction with the hashtag #SingForNicole It would mean so much if we could get One Direction to dedicated their song to Nicole.

What diabetes means in one word!

Every person that has diabetes has different experiences. Some people are lucky to have good control and find dealing with diabetes relatively easy while others struggle with the emotional side of diabetes finding it hard to except their situation and others work really hard and still are unable to achieve good control. Our bodies all work differently and we all have different lifestyles, which makes diabetes is a very complex and unpredictable condition!

 

I thought by asking different people (including adults and teenagers) what diabetes means to them in one word I could give a better perspective of diabetes as a whole.  Rather than just making a list of words I decided to make it into a poster, Hope you like it!